House Rules
by rogue-scholar07
Summary: Set in my misfitverse timeline. Zartan makes up a few rules for the teams to follow, and the kids critique his work. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:**** I do not own the Dreadnoks or the rest of the Cobra officers. I also do not own Thunderbird or Lady Mastermind. Anyone else belongs to me.**

**Summary: ****Zartan posts a few house rules for the two teams. Shadowatch runs open commentary. Inspired by L170E's Rules of the Avengers Mannor.**

**House Rules**

The newly-renovated Dreadnok's base in the swamps of Florida rang with battle cries and brags as its youngest residents held yet another video game tournament. Shadowatch, the newest team of Cobra agents, lived on base with the older agents partly because Zartan commanded the group and partly because they were only teenagers.

The six teens, plus a few bored Dreadnoks, crashed in the living room for a round of MarioKart. A girl with green hair first noticed Zartan, grasping a hammer, nail and picture frame, walking into the room. She glared at him from the couch. "What are you doing with that?" Zanya, one of the Dreadnoks, typically lounged with the group, as they were her own age.

Zartan didn't even look in his daughter's direction. "I'm putting up a few house rules."

A chorus of "What?"s filled the air.

"Why do we need written rules?" Buzzer, who had been lying on the floor, asked.

"Is this about that office party last weekend?" A blond-haired green-eyed girl asked. Regan Wyngarde, aka Lady Mastermind, served as the team telepath and illusionist.

"Among other things." The adult ninja groaned, beating the nail into the baseboard.

"Better see what we have to deal with." Neal "Thunderbird" Sharra sighed. The Bangladesh native possessed the ability to create heated plasma and fly. He got to his feet, and the others soon followed. Zartan exited the scene as soon as the mob surrounded the frame.

"Well, at least there are only ten of them." Bryan "Chaos" Dukes, flyer and invulnurable strong man, shrugged. The Texan earned his nickname from his talent for causing trouble.

"Goody, our own ten commandments." Zanya quipped, reading the first line.

**Rule 1:** Do not under any circumstance call the Baroness a whore, even if she acts like one.

"Gee, I wonder who that rule is for?" Regan asked, glaring at a tall blue-eyed girl. The other blond shoved a raven bang out of her eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think that is quite possible." She said. "That bitch annoys me." Andrea "Andi" Creed, one of several second-generation mutants on the team, took the codename Atlantis because of her hydrokinetic abilities. The blond haired, black banged teen could also shapeshift, and bore blue scales and webbed hands and feet.

"Especially after she called us genetic flukes." The fourth and final girl in the company spoke up. The gray-skinned onyx-headed girl known as Kristen Mortisson was a dhampire (half-vampire) and mutant with the ability to alter her mollecular structure. "Can we change the subject?"

"Fine." Atlantis grumbled.

**Rule 2:** Please, don't flush any more action figures down the toilet.

"I can see that one." Kristen said.

"Yeah, the plumbing bill was really steep." Monkeywrench commented.

"You just had to stick Darth Vader in the john, didn't you?" Torch glared at Buzzer.

"Oh knock it off you big baby!" Andi bopped the Australian flamethrower-weilding Dreadnok in the back of the head.

**Rule 3:** Just because someone tells you to bite them doesn't mean you have to do it.

"Aww." Kristen whined. "But they asked me to do it!"

"They really wanted you to buzz off." Regan said. "Instead, they wound up in the infirmary."

"I like biting on invitation, though." Kris said. "Do you realize how hard it is to get permission to bite someone?"

"Okay, next rule." Bryan hastily changed the subject.

**Rule 4:** Quit using our dinner plates as clay pigeons. You're costing us a fortune.

"I knew that was a bad idea." A gray-eyed boy snapped. Mitch Dukes, Bryan's half brother, earned the nickname Golem because of his ability to turn his skin into rock at will.

"Those plates were chipped anyway." Buzzer defended.

"And it's not like you were complaining when you blew them up." Monkeywrench pointed out.

"You used my aunt's good plates for target practice?" Zanya gasped. "You boneheads! She's going to kill you for this!"

"Especially since their the only company plates we have." Regan added.

**Rule 5:** Any more trips to the store will be supervised by Zarana or myself.

"Do you think this has anything to do with that K-Mart clerk we talked to last week?" Torch asked.

Considering the cops were called out and you almost got arrested, yes." Andi said.

"Why isn't Zandar on the approved list?" Neal asked.

"Because he won't do any supervising at all." Zanya said. "He doesn't like you guys very much. I don't know why."

"Doesn't matter, so long as we don't have to deal with him." Kristen said. The assembled group nodded.

**Rule 6:** Destro's mask is not a trash can substitute no matter how much garbage comes out of his mouth.

"Hey! Metal-mouth barfed in his own helmet!" Buzzer exclaimed.

"Yeah, but he was also trying to seduce a coat rack." Andi said.

"She's right. Prob'ly too wasted to remember it." Torch agreed.

"Especially since he passed out after he upchucked." Monkeywrench pointed out.

**Rule 7:** You may not put super-glue, shaving cream, or any other product inside Destro's mask. This goes for other articles of clothing as well and is not restricted to just the officers.

"There went our next plot." Bryan groaned. "I was looking forward to that."

"Do you think the Baroness's bra qualifies? Ow!" Neal pondered as Andi bopped him in the back of the head.

"Get your mind out of the toilet, Thunderbird." The blue-scaled teen hissed. "And yes, it will apply."

"Who cares about clothes anyway?" Kristen asked. "His car is the real prize!"

"I thought Cobra Commander said not to lock anyone out of their cars again?" Mitch asked.

"I'm not talking about keeping them out!" Kristen said. "We can still trash the inside to our hearts' content!"

"Which gives me some ideas for that shaving cream." Andi mused.

**Rule 8:** The Commander's scepter is not a spear, pirate sword, or other play weapon. He asks that you leave it alone or else be hit with it.

"To be fair, he did leave it lying on the ground when he started singing karaoke." Mitch said.

"Yeah, but he was really mad when you started fencing with it." Zanya added, then turned to the Dreadnoks. "I hope you remembered to tape that solo."

"Don't worry." Monkeywrench grinned. "We're sellin' copies for $25. I think that made our drunk hall of fame."

"I just know that Elton John has nothing to worry about." Regan snickered.

**Rule 9:** Do not address Xamot and Tomax as Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum.

"Is that what started that food fight?" Torch asked.

"No, it started the fist fight." Bryan replied.

"Which one?" Buzzer asked.

"The one two rows from the stage during the Commander's rendition of 'Crocodile Rock'." Andi answered.

"Then what about the other fist fight?" Torch asked.

"See rule number one." Zanya said.

"And the food fight?" Neal asked.

"Road Pig offended Copperhead in some way." Zanya said. "I didn't ask for details."

"Can we just get on to the last rule?" Mitch asked.

**Rule 10:** You must pay attention during staff meetings and mission breifings. I know they are boring, but if Mindbender can toss on a clean labcoat, you kids can stay awake. Tic-tac-toe boards found in your possession will be confiscated along with the pens used.

"You sleep in breifings?" Buzzer asked. "He never let us get away with that."

"Kris would have if she hadn't started snoring." Andi grinned. The vampiric girl glared daggers in her direction.

"You know, Andi, you are the one playing tic tac toe in the agenda." Regan said. "It's not professional."

"Boss said show up, not dress up." Andi countered. "Nothing interesting ever happens at those staff meetings anyway."

"I'm with Ann on this one." Bryan nodded.

"Of course you are!" Regan shouted. "You're her partner in crime!"

"Reg, we're all partners in crime." Bryan said. "We're a terrorist team, remember?"

"You still shouldn't tune out like that!" Regan hissed.

"Take a chillaxative, Reg." Kristen said. "I'll stay up this time. It's not like he said we couldn't critique the meetings."

"And if the Commander doesn't like it, we'll use that tape from last Saturday as leverage." Andi grinned.

**What did you think? Like it? Hate it? Review me and let me know! I'm not a mind reader or anything. **


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